Look for me on the Evening News

For the past several months, Evie has been BEGGING me for a ferret to the point of tears, as if acquiring one is a life goal on par with the Holy Grail or the cure to cancer. The fuzzy cuteness of these weasels literally brings her to tears, and I mean that LITERALLY. They're so cute they make her cry. She's been trying to prove her worthiness of pet ownership by feeding Ranger and the cats as well as feeding and watering Cuddles the bunny. She's doing a great job and I appreciate her help, but at the end of every day (and sometimes about 100 times a day), she asks, "When can I get a ferret?" I tell her I don't know, that we need to wait until she's a little older, that we're busy, to enjoy the pets she has now, and any number of delaying tactics in the Mommy Arsenal of Excuses. Mind you, this is difficult for me because given the chance, my house could easily become this:

Except the animals would be alive and they would be sleeping in my bed.

No excuse will deter Evie, and now Roman has joined the "We want ferrets! When do we want them? Now!" team. So, in order to hold them off and buy some time, I made this:

How this works is I have a bowl full of pretty stones and whenever Evie and Roman have a great day of helping, listening, and behaving, they put a stone in the jar. When all the stones are in the jar, a ferret has been earned. This doesn't mean we'll get one that day, but it's a guarantee that a ferret is coming. This scheme is almost as good as threatening no presents from Santa at Christmas. If the kids threaten to misbehave, all I have to do is remind them that their "ferret treasure" is on the line and they straighten out. I'm not gonna lie, when Roman entered the game, I added more stones to the bowl. The end result is a happy Mommy and two very excited kids full of anticipation. Honestly, I'd like to have a ferret, too, but I think the person most excited about the ferret jar is Rick. He's been a bit of an animal enabler because he's always wanted a ferret, too. 

I think I'm in big trouble. 

We were at the county fair the other day and they had a petting zoo with the usual goats, alpacas, pony, and a mama guinea pig with babies (that Evie said I nearly pooped my pants over, which was true because they were SO CUTE!!), but they also had one of these:

Patagonian Cavy: a deer-like guinea pig cousin that's 18-35 lbs of soft adorbs. 

It was friendly and quiet and Rick declared he liked it and wanted one. My brain interprets that as, "If you love me, you will give me that rodent birthed from bunny fur and kitten smiles." Thank goodness my credit card is basically maxed out because I totally found an exotic breeder online and Rick almost came home to one. I did send him the link, though, which earned me a "You're the best girlfriend ever." I felt it my duty to warn him.

DO NOT GO DOWN THIS ROAD WITH ME!! If you say, "Hey, a guinea pig cage would fit here," one day you'll come home and there will be a murtherfurken guinea pig there. I'm very easily persuaded to bring pets home. I told him if I have free reign to acquire animals, one day I will have a petting zoo. It doesn't help that he sends me pictures of adorable baby animals every day...the man likes to play with fire. Inevitably, I'll end up in one of those exposes on animal hoarding. Except I actually take care of my animals, so it will more likely be a story about the crazy lady with a giraffe in her yard and a capybara watching t.v. on the coach next to the ferret while the dog and cats sleep in their beds. 

Sounds awesome :)