Unexpected attraction

I find it really amazing what some people find attractive and others do not. Is it a pleasant cologne? Sideburns? A loquacious vocabulary? Maybe that's just me...Perhaps for you it's eye color or height. Maybe something more carnal? I'm not judging.
I actually did a little bit of research on this and discovered the science of attraction is quite complicated (obviously) and quite interesting. If you want to break it down to it's basest form of what causes attraction, look no further than evolution and good ole hormones.
Evolution:
Survival of the fittest: it's as simple as that. A female chooses the stronger, healthier, more attractive male in order to perpetuate the species. His phenotype is a direct reflection of his genetic fitness, and therefore alerts the female to his superiority that will thus be passed on to her offspring. Classic examples include larger antlers in deer and colorful plumage in birds. These are characteristics of a healthy individual, thus the female will be more attracted to these traits, as well as males that display housebuilding abilities, care giving qualities, and physical prowess. The evolution of attraction correlates with desirable genetic traits to be duplicated.
Hormones:
We can't rule out these gems when discussing attraction. There are three stages of attraction dictated by hormones beginning with lust. Ah, lust, and it's wonderful friends testosterone and estrogen. Without lust, there would be no random, passionate encounters or loving trysts. And when these brief interludes continue, we move onto phase two: attraction. When you can think of no one else, you are on the dopamine express. Yes, that lovely hormone that gives us pleasant feelings, and it's buddy adrenaline that increases our heart rate and makes our mouths dry. That's when you know you're headed for the charm: attachment. The hormones associated with attachment include oxytocin (AKA the "love hormone) and it's partner in crime, vassopressin. Together these hormones will evoke feelings of contentment, lower anxiety, and increase calmness and security. This is the touchy-feely stage of attraction, leading to pair bonds, 2.5 kids, and a white picket fence. You know, the good stuff.

That's the nitty gritty, but how does one get this far? Where does attraction all begin and why? Johns Hopkins sexologist (yes, it's a real job. I looked it up) John Money developed the concept of the "lovemap" to assist a discussion of why people prefer certain attributes. It is, "a developmental representation or template in the mind and in the brain depicting the idealized lover." Picture your perfect partner: height, weight, job, values, smell, etc. Got it? That's essentially what he's talking about. Money goes on to state that this is a nature and nurture trait; that we learn what we like as well as draw on our genetic background. What we prefer involves all five senses that are often linked to personal experiences. Grandpa smoked a pipe? You may be attracted to the smell of tobacco. Dad tall, dark, and brooding? Guess what! Live near a lake? Blue eyes may be your thing. All the pleasurable experiences spark what you may find attractive in another individual. But what about those random oddities that leave you wondering, "who knew that was so hot?"

Which brings me to the point on this rambling diatribe. This all may seem nonsensical, but this is how my mind was working when I was trying to figure out why I suddenly found something so ordinary and maybe somewhat odd so freaking attractive. Here's what I'm talking about:

Sooo hot, right? RIGHT?!

A newsboy hat and bow tie? Who knew? I am not a huge fan of Newsies, my grandfather wore neither of these items, and I'm not into Dr. Who. Little help? 

Oh, I know! *slaps forehead* Maybe it's because they are being worn by Daniel Vincent Gordh, who is playing William Darcy on The Lizzie Bennet Diaries, and who also happens to be tall, dark, and handsome. With sideburns. And don't even get me started on those eyebrows...*drool* 

And here is where a little nature comes into play. Maybe I was destined to find this combination strangely attractive. All I needed was a handsome man to show me the way. It also helps that he's so loquacious and stars in a modern adaptation of my favorite novel. Yes, all things come back to Pride and Prejudice. And perhaps that is the core of why I find the newsboy hat/bow tie combo so attractive: I am a nerd.

The moral of this story? We all have our own "lovemap" to follow. Don't be afraid or ashamed of it (unless it's illegal), and for the love of God don't be like me and over analyze. Just get out there, buy your man a newsie hat and bow tie, and get on with your life! It will be a lot happier once you do ;) 

My Precious

Ok, everyone, guess who received a Kindle Fire for Christmas! THIS GIRL! Admittedly, I have been avidly opposed to e-readers of any sort because I love the feel of a real book. Yes, I am that girl; the one you catch in the rows of the library sniffing books with a look of pure ecstasy on her face. I am the girl who has stacks of books she hasn't read yet and keeps getting more because I absolutely love looking at full bookshelves and get excited thinking about all the adventures waiting for me there. So, with this in mind, I staunchly resisted getting a Kindle no matter what the other half said about how great they are. And then my Mom gave me one, and I discovered they are full of awesome.

My precious.

Let's discuss.
I have a Kindle Fire, right? So, not only can I download books from Amazon and great ebooks from sites like Smashwords, but I can also watch movies on Netflix, YouTube, surf the web, Music, yada yada yada. It's almost like having a tablet (or so I understand; I don't actually have one myself. I am way behind in the technology). Here are the pros and cons I have encountered:

Pros:
You can watch movies with amazing clarity
Quick e-mail, Twitter, and Facebook checks
Look up that cah-razee YouTube video all the kids are talking about
Lots of Apps to play with (which I really don't, but my kids do)
Parental controls for kiddo play (seriously, my kids figured it out in about 2.5 seconds)
Access to Amazon for a bazillion book titles
Lots of storage for said books
I have Prime, so I have free movie rentals and access to free books
You can accessorize!
Easy to use, even for me

Cons:
Easy for quick browsing, but you are limited on the amount of internetting you can do (yes, I just made that word up). Really, a laptop is more convenient for cut/paste/sharing/multiple window usage.
I am challenged when it comes to typing with a stylus. For in depth writing, a keyboard is the way to go.
I am intimidated.
It's not a real book.
There could be more, but it's early and I need coffee.

In the end, aside from the occasional ebook and fanfiction, I really haven't read much with my Kindle. I still prefer the real thing, but I can see the appeal of having hundreds of books at your disposal with just a click. I can foresee this coming in handy.

My vote:

How I get new things

My bold and effective strategy revealed!

Kelly (over the phone): "So, the little fridge stopped working for some reason. I came in this morning and there was water all over the floor and I had to throw the milk out."

Me: "Suck." Secretly hoping it wasn't my fault. 

Later, at the coffee shop.

Kelly: "We need to make sure we put all the milk in the back fridge at night. Thankfully we use it up pretty fast, so we can store some in the little fridge while we work."

Me (leaning into fridge): "Uh-huh." Still hoping it wasn't my fault as I examine suspicious puncture wound. Crap. "So, there is a chance this is my fault."

Kelly: "What do you mean?"

Me: "I was chipping off ice with a screwdriver in preparation for defrosting, and I may have accidentally punctured a hole in the fridge. I'm not saying 100% but that could have broken the fridge."

Kelly: "You're fired."

Me: "Well, now we can get a new one. This is how I get new things."

I told a customer this story later and they thought it was a pretty clever strategy. I even mimicked telling Chase to straighten out because I could always stab him with a screwdriver and get a new husband. They laughed, but I was completely serious. Although that could have been the freon talking. Meanwhile, we got a beautiful new fridge from Costco.

Here is a comic Kelly drew to commemorate the death of the old fridge:

Oh, those toilet bowls? Apparently I infected the ENTIRE peninsula with the norovirus (allegedly) resulting in several people (including myself) spending lots of quality time in the bathroom. 

Antici---pation.

I have in spades.

Okay, this isnt a real post; it's a "I-am-so-excited-and-I-know-you-are-too-just-be-patient" post. My book is in the editing phase right now and I am eagerly awaiting Kelly's delivery of it into my waiting hands. So I can then hand it off to my next beta reader. Hopefully, they will enjoy reading my book the same way I do:

With lots and lots of wine. This only enhances the experience. 

Total editing count (including myself): 2

Total editors left (including my husband who I swear I will hound until the bitter end until he is finished even if it means he has to stay up until 2am): 2

Until my next update, here is an adorable picture of my son eating a tomato:

Because it's crazy cute, that's why.

Bite me.

   I like to read books in combination. Specifically, 2-3 books in series that deal with a common theme such as 1984 and Brave New World  (frightening alternate futures) or Ann Benson's plague series starting with The Plague Tales and Year of Wonders (the plague, obviously). I'm not sure why 100%, but once I find an interesting tale, I like to stick with it and discover other authors' perspective on the same theme. I would like to recommend a few reading combos, if I may, during the life of this blog in keeping with my theme of sharing a love of reading.

   For your reading pleasure, I would like to recommend reading the combination of Elizabeth Kostova's The Historian and Bram Stoker's Dracula. Both obviously deal with vampires, but it's so much more than that! Let's discuss.

The Historian  is an interwoven story told from the perspective of three generations of scholars beginning in the 1930s (or thereabouts): Professor Rossi, his student Paul (1950s) and Paul's daughter in 1972. All of their adventures begin with the discovery of an ancient and mysterious leather bound book full of empty pages except for a wood cutting of a dragon in the middle.The book prompts Rossi to research clues and track the movements of Vlad the Impaler, and leads him to a terrifying conclusion, which he shares with Paul twenty years later: Dracula still lives and walks among us. After confessing this, Rossi disappears, and Paul, along with Rossi's unacknowledged daughter, Helen, race to not only destroy the monster, but to save his mentor and friend. Another twenty years later, their daughter finds Paul's book and aged, yellow letters, and he reluctantly begins to tell her his harrowing story. Full of marvelous history and tantalizing clues, The Historian is a gripping mystery that will leave you white-knuckled until the riveting conclusion. Wonderful and moving character development make this a book you will want to discover over and over. 

Most of us are familiar with the story of Dracula, but Bram Stoker's classic is more than just a portrayal of a monster. When Jonathan Harker travels to Transylvania, he is struck by the eccentric Count Dracula, and begins to fear that not all is as is seems in the gloomy castle. As the Count leaves for England, Jonathan becomes a prisoner, and strange occurrences plague London, from a ghost ship to puncture marks on a young woman's neck. Pieced together from diary entries and newspaper clippings, Dracula follows the lives of London residents Jonathan Harker, Mina Harker (nee Murray), Dr. Jack Steward, their friends Quincy and Arthur, and Dr. Abraham Van Helsing as they use their brains to stop an evil fiend from draining England dry. It is a study of determination, love, friendship, and the human will magnificently crafted through thoughts, feelings, and atmosphere. A classic that doesn't rely on gore to be frightening, or sex to be loving. An entertaining read that will keep you turning the pages.

Now go dig in and read! Hope you enjoy this combo as much as I did!

12 Steps...Alcohol Encouraged

   A few days ago I completed my second book (pauses for applause) and while I'm sitting here trying not to die from anticipation waiting for my proof to get here, I thought I would pass on some wisdom. One reason I am very excited about publishing, despite seeing my name in print, is that I've found that I have become an inspiration to others to do the same. With this in mind, I would like to sketch out some tips to help anyone out there wishing to publish but maybe you were too afraid or didn't know where to start.
   This is for those of you writing books for yourself that have been gathering dust for the last fifteen years until your significant other asks you the question, "Are you ever going to do anything with that?"
   "Yes, murtherfurker," you can say, "I am!"

   Here are the diamonds, or steps if you will. I chose twelve for the snappy post title.

1. Have an idea.
   Even if you think it sucks, which it just might. You can't get started without an idea, so have one and work it through. You can always toss it if it doesn't speak to you in the end, but you never know until you try. Some of my best characters/ideas started out minor and developed into story lines I am very proud of. Just go with it.
2. Get motivated.
   Probably the hardest, but you have to set time aside for yourself even if you only write a few lines. Having a finished product really helped motivate me to write the next book, so if you have something you're really proud of, draw on that feeling.
3. Find your happy place.
   Don't be gross. Besides, if you haven't found that by now, writing isn't your biggest issue. Anyway, my recommendation is a creative tower of awesomeness, but if you're like me and you don't have one, find a nice spot at home dedicated to writing where there are no kids, spouses, dogs, pirates, or whatever to get in your way of creativity. Which brings me to step four.
4. Eliminate distractions.
   As a wife and mother of two small children, I know how difficult this step is, but trust me you too can find a quiet moment to think! Tell hubby/wifey to watch the kiddos or go to a coffee shop by yourself where you don't have to listen to whining or look at the floor you need to vaccuum. All of life's messes will still be there after writing time is over.
5. Outline your idea.
   Before I've written one word, I know my main characters, their personalities, the main plot, the beginning, middle, and end of my story. Then I just fill in the rest. You can't start a journey without knowing the destination, right? That's not to say the unpredictable doesn't happen, but it's nice to have a map. I like to know certain plot points to keep the story flowing. Remember, though, that some of the best ideas are unpredictable. Don't worry about straying off course a little. Like art, there are no mistakes in writing. Well, maybe a few. Twilight comes to mind, but that's what editors are for.
6. Write.
    Just go for it! Don't worry about editing and write until your fingers bleed.
7. Keep writing.
   Life happens, but don't forget to come back to your story. If you're on a roll, don't stop. This may mean you're up until midnight, but trust me it's worth the lack of sleep. I would rather be tired than lose out on a good idea.
8. Don't stop reading.
   Annie Proulx, the author of Brokeback Mountain, said, "Writing comes from reading, and reading is the finest teacher of how to write." For me, I found this to be very true. I tried setting everything aside, including reading, on order to concentrate on writing, but I found myself blocked. Once I picked up a book again, the words flowed on paper. Get inspired.
9. Finish, then edit.
   Margaret Atwood wrote, "You must see the writing as emerging like a long scroll of ink from the index finger of your right hand; you must see your left hand erasing it." I love this philosophy because it allows you to write without restraint. Don't worry about grammer, word choice, or even elaboration on parts of your story already written. Just write. Get your ideas on paper, then go back after you've written 'the end' and edit and add.
10. Self-publish.
   I use CreateSpace.com because it is free and user friendly. Again, you can't reach people unless you get your words out there. Don't worry about sending manuscripts to publishers or spending hundreds of dollars to get your book published. Self-publishing is easy and you reach readers fast. If you are successful enough, the traditional publishers will find you. Be your biggest advocate.
11. Proof. Get outside opinions.
   After you self-publish, before you make your book available to the public, order a proof. Check for errors and find places needing work or where you wish to elaborate details. Lend this copy to friends for them to give feedback. Your book is your baby, and you may not see the errors like an outside source. Ask for honest opinions and constructive criticism; you want your book to be the best it can be. Hopefully, you can remain friends afterwards.
12. Don't be afraid to fail.
   Afraid of failure? Afraid people will not respond to your writing like you'd hope? It's called taking a chance. Maybe you wont be well received as you expected, but it's better than not knowing and living with regret. Who knows, maybe you'll be the next Hemingway or Tolkien. What if J.K. Rowling never decided to publish the stories she told her children? What if Fitzgerald thought The Great Gatsby was a terrible idea? If these authors scrapped their works and never took a chance, we would be deprived without them. And they would live forever thinking they were failures. You may fail, but at least you took a chance and jumped out of the airplane. If nothing else, you can enjoy the ride.

   I hope these steps inspire you to take a chance on writing and maybe even publishing. There is an abundance of wonderful authors out there, and we are living in such an amazing time where their work is available to us readers. We are out there, and we want to support your efforts, read your book, and share your journey.
   Now, open a bottle of wine, and get on it!

Holy Honey Badger, I'm 30!

Leading up to this most momentous occasion, I have been taking stock of my life for the past thirty years. Not all of my memories are pleasant; in fact many I would wish to forget. They say our hardships make us what we are today. I have been remade again and again.
Bear with me here; I may get a little veklempt.
My life has been anything but easy. Where many of my friends grew up in normal, loving households, my family life was a perfect lesson in disfunction. My mother married my father at the age of 19 and by the age of 20, my brother was born and she knew she had made a mistake. Several years and two more kids later, my parents fought constantly. I was lucky to have a supportive and attentive mother, but my father was a relative stranger. The idea of children was exciting, but once we outgrew our baby cuteness, my father lost interest and spent very little if any time with us at all. I can recall one instance where I sat in the same room with him for hours and was never once acknowledged. At the age of 8, my parents divorced, and it was the best thing to ever happen to our family. I cannot imagine how I would have turned out had I grown up with such a cold, distant man. My resentment toward him escalated as I got older, having to endure guilt trips and pity parties, settling adult problems on the shoulders of a child. My maturity quickly outstripped his until I could no longer stand to be in his presence. Our visits dwindled; we spoke rarely on the phone. The last time I saw my father was when I graduated high school where he acted more like a child than I did. The last time I spoke to him was when I told him I was accepted to WSU. He told me I had better get scholarships because he couldn't afford to send me there. He never once congratulated me. Five years later, I struggled with the choice of whether or not to invite him to my wedding. In the end, I extended the olive branch, mostly  to avoid guilt trips from my grandmother. It was now or never; his last chance to make-up for all the neglect and bullshit. He declined to attend. I haven't cared to think about him since. He will never meet his grandchildren.
Adolescence is difficult for all of us, and I would never presume to say I had it worse than anyone else. I struggled with my identity, my place in the world. I never felt like I fit in; I wasn't girly or popular or talented in any way. My self esteem was non-existent, and at home the nightmares continued. I don't wish to recall every detail, but by the time I reached junior high, we had endured enough for a lifetime.

I was lucky. At a point in my life where I could have spiraled into oblivion, I made the most amazing, wonderful friends. I cannot thank them enough for accepting me, even though I was REALLY weird. And chubby :) Thank you all so much for the laughter, the crazy sleepovers, flashlight tag, "True Colors," green M&Ms, Mud (especially Mud), Monty Python, and all the other goofy inside jokes I will think about over the years and smile...when I remember...old age and all. I feel so incredibly privileged to know you. I couldn't have made it without you.

I was smart. I wasn't pretty or skinny. I didn't have beautiful hair or wear make-up. I didn't have boyfriends or even dates. The only thing I had was a brain, and it was my pride and joy. I am so thankful to have a love of learning, even if it earned me the title of "nerd." I may be a nerd, but I am also the nerd that now owns her own business and writes books. Suck it. I am so thankful for wonderful teachers who challenged me and nourished my brain. It is okay to like school, and I am looking forward to going back.

I was an artist. And not too bad. I suppose every artist is most critical of themselves, but there are moments when I feel pride in a job well done. Being an artist has allowed me not only to express myself creatively, but to find joy in making others happy. I am so grateful for the tears of joy I have invoked with this gift.

High school was awkward as it is for everyone, but thanks to great friends, great teachers, and great classes, I am happy to be able to look back on my high school experience. No, I never went to a dance or had boyfriends, but in all honesty I didn't mind. More important than the social scenes were my best friends and the fun we had. No dance could compete. And of course, I had Jane Austen. When I discovered her books, it was an epiphany, lightning striking, a light bulb going off, that moment in time where you know your life will be forever changed. Dramatic much? Perhaps, but because of her, I decided to write. I had always considered myself imaginative; I drew, I wrote little stories for school, I did a lot of pretend play. And then Jane Austen came along and I discovered my muse, my genre. And the words came. I began writing The Devoted, then titled The Disinterested Intellect, and another piece of the puzzle fell into place. My journey to becoming a writer had begun.

Being accepted to WSU was the most exciting day of my life (up until that point). Ever since I was eight, I wanted to be a veterinarian. I loved animals, and I couldn't imagine wanting to be anything else. I planned on majoring in Zoology, pre-vet. I loved Pullman. The campus is beautiful, the classes were challenging, and the people were friendly. All the high school b.s. was over; we were adults. I admit; I loved my classes. For the most part. Some were incredibly difficult. I still didn't like chemistry, I hated physics, and physiology was my biggest struggle. I excelled in biology, mammology, and anatomy, and I ended up with a minor in history. It was at WSU that I met Chase. My friend was dating his best friend, so our meeting was inevitable. And we hated each other. He thought I was a cold bitch, which was probably because I was looking at him thinking, "Who is this arrogant bastard who won't shut up?" My own Pride and Prejudice beginning. Obviously, we got over the initial impression, and here we are 10 years later. It was also in college that I was introduced to my love of horses. Its true what they say: you discover yourself in college.

In the end, I decided to forgo vet school. Why? I had changed. I still loved animals, but I focused more on wildlife rehab. And I was broke. And tired. I had been studying for 17 years and I needed a break. I graduated in 2005 with my Bachelor's in Zoology and Chase with his Master's in Entomology. We moved to Long Beach, WA when he accepted a job at the WSU extension office. I worked for Skippers Horse Rentals. In 2006, I accepted a job at Long Beach Coffee Roasters, and that summer, Chase and I were married. The rest is history, right?

Here I am, a husband, two kids, a business, a book, a life later. This has been quite a journey, and I would like to thank everyone who rode it out with me. Thank you, Mom, for believing in me, for knowing there was more than met the eye. Thank you to my lifelong friends for letting me find a place in your group. Thank you Chase for seeing me underneath the awkward, shy, chubby girl. Thank you, Kelly, for being my best friend, for gallops on the beach, for beer and rants. Thank you coffee shop for introducing me to some awesome people. Thank you to everyone who encourages me to write, to paint, to be me. Thank you to my beautiful children for teaching me patience and that I have an amazing capacity to love. I look forward to the next 30 years with you.

This has been a long diatribe and it probably seems a little sanguine, but I have been reflecting on my life a lot lately. I have looked back at where I was, and I could have never imagined this is where I would be. Through it all, I have been myself, though ever changing, at the core I have been a geek, an artist, a loyal friend, freaking hilarious, and stubbornly strong. Sinatra said it best: I did it my way.

Fuck yeah, I did.