Now you see me...

It took me quite a while to get through my next mind-blowing, life altering read. Not because it wasn't a wonderful piece of literature, but because I just got so bogged down in the meaning that I had to set it aside for some lighter fluff now and again. And this is very difficult for me to do since I am such an OCD reader.

The Invisible Man by Ralph Ellison tells the story of a young black man from the south in the 1950s as he struggles to discover the answer to the age old question: who am I? He begins by living the life of the "idealistic" black man, the reformed black man that goes to college and is everything the white man wants him to be: intelligent (to a point), clean cut, and subservient. Through a series of unfortunate events, he is expelled from school and sent to Harlem to work. There, he is in an accident at a factory and ends up in the factory hospital undergoing electro-shock therapy in order to "cure" him. For a while, he doesn't even remember his own name. It is at this point that he begins to question the nature of identity, what is it that makes us who we are? What's in a name? Etc. etc. etc. He walks through the streets of Harlem and wonders why all those things that black people enjoy are considered socially unacceptable and even abhorrent. He soon draws the attention of a mysterious organization called "The Brotherhood," whom he believes is striving for equality. He becomes their spokesperson, and he works hard to better the world for both blacks and whites together. Bit by bit, this reality begins to crash around him as he realizes what he thought was the truth was really their variation. He comes to describe himself as the "invisible man." People do not see him as an individual or even a black man, but a character of his surroundings, circumstances, or imaginings. He suddenly is forced to come to terms with the harsh reality of the world, and finally able to face himself and decide who he really is.

Yes, this is a frightening glimpse into the treatment of blacks in America from a black man's point of view, and it is despicable. But this book is about so much more than racism. It is about the degradation of a person's soul, exploitation, hypocrisy, and the journey to self realization. The nameless protagonist is an intelligent and well spoken young man that is jerked around throughout the book, wanting and needing to trust that those he encounters are truly in earnest to make the world a better place for his people. He genuinely believes that what he does is right, and then life bitch slaps him in the face. He is constantly questioning his own identity and struggling against anything stereotypical of his race that he deems shameful i.e. a preference of fried yams. At a young age, he is taught to suppress those tendencies in order to became a "better" individual i.e. a credit to the race i.e. what the white man expects. His world turns upside down again and again. You feel horrible and outraged at his circumstances, and at the same time screaming, "What are you thinking? These guys are totally using you!" The writing is impeccable and the story flows very well from one trying time to another. You'll be stunned, you'll cry, you'll even laugh, and in the end, you will be haunted.

Honestly, this book really should be required reading in high school. The language doesn't go over the top as far as obscenities and there really isn't any sex to speak of, so there should be no issue there. I wish I could have read this in high school myself as it is a brilliant essay on the nature of man from a very different perspective. It's difficult to explain racism when you never have to face it yourself or see it in everyday life. In reading this book, you will understand how racism reaches into the soul; how it effects the world, people's actions and thoughts; and how it makes a man invisible.

Time I will never get back.

I have been a reading fiend lately and I love it! Now that the kiddos are getting older and entertaining themselves more, not only am I able to read more while they're playing, but I am less intoxicated exhausted after they go to bed and therefore can stay up just a little bit longer. The last book I read from my top 150ish list was John Cheever's Falconer.

 This gem of a book is about a guy named Farragut who is conivcted of murdering his brother and sent to Falconer prison for the rest of his miserable life. So, the back cover blurb claims he struggles to remain a man in a "universe bent on beating him back into childhood." It's a modern crime and punishment prison story. Can you tell how unimpressed I am? If you haven't caught my somewhat sarcastic tone, let me tell you, it's there. Let's begin with our protagonist (if he can really be called that; he did kill his brother after all regardless if the guy was a jerk and asking for it). Farragut is one of the least likeable characters I have encountered. I didn't even feel sorry for him. His marriage sucked (I think there was some mutual cheating), he was a failure as a father, and his family was a nightmare, but he is an arrogant prick addicted to drugs who feels absolutely no remorse for the damage he's caused. He doesn't even own up to the fact that he murdered his brother, even though he admits hitting him with a fire iron, it was the hearth that killed him. Nothing really awful happens to him in prison that makes me feel any emotion other than disgust and he never has a "come to Jesus" moment to redeam his pathetic self. And then he suddenly breaks out and you're thinking, "Huh?" and then the book is over. Thank goodness.

What could possibly be worse than reading about Farragut's pointless journey to anticlimactic freedom? All the prison sex. Yeah, and I'm not talking about rape. Because men have needs and god forbid they don't achieve release because that would lead to anarchy and riots, so the guards turn a blind eye and ear to all the "relationships" and a special room in the basement where the men go for communal jacking off. I am not joking. And I just love hearing all the details about that. Really this was one long jack off of a book. I seriously cannot believe this is a top novel of all time. I don't feel like a better person, and I certaintly don't think I learned anything of value except that a brilliant prison escape imagined by Alexandre Dumas can be stolen rewritten in modern times. I am so happy to be done with this book, but John Cheever owes me for all the time I wasted reading it.

Maybe there was something I missed? Maybe I'm not smart enough to have enjoyed the irony, the case study of our American judicial system, what it truly means to be a man? No, I got that. I just didn't care. And this book got so many positive reviews! One person even said that if you don't like this book, you don't like American literature.

Well, call me unpatriotic.

Next, please.

This is my junk food and trash tv.

As I continue to check books off my All Time List, I find I'm also getting emotionally bogged down. It appears that every book on the list so far has been "serious," a serious shocker, she said sarcastically. Apparently, to be considered brilliant literature, it must move you to tears and wine. Lots and lots of wine. Of course, that's the point, right? As a writer, we want to evoke strong emotion, make you think, be memorable, and what better way to do that than to appeal to the basest feelings of devastating heartache? What I want to know is, what happened to a good belly laugh a la Sedaris, Brautigan, and one of my favs, Christopher Moore? So memorable because they crack me up and I end up telling everyone silly little anecdotes that made me about wet my pants. But, alas, I must admit that the literature I recommend most often are the ones that made me think.

But if you're anything like me, reading book after thought provoking book can really wear you out. Its like watching nothing but the news: its important, but sometimes you just need to change the channel and watch some Maury. But instead of trash tv and junk food, readers have oddball novels. So, with this in mind, I'm not only going to share my journey of betterment through the masterpieces of literature, I'm going to recommend some great books to help "clean the slate" if you will, especially after reading something particularly deep. Don't forget, just because they're not on a list, doesn't mean they don't deserve some props. They'll make you laugh (whether intentionally or just because they're so ridiculous), they'll melt your heart, and they'll lift your spirits. At least until the next depressing, yet brilliant, read.

A lot of the great random books I've read have been recommended by my best friend and business partner, Kelly. I've loved every book she's told me to read, and A Countess Below Stairs is one of my favs that you could go back and read over and over. It's the story of Anna, a countess who after the Russian Revolution is forced to go into hiding as a servant, trying to keep her past a secret while performing her duties as a maid and trying not to fall in love with Rupert, the earl of the house. Good luck with that. This book will definitely lift your heart after a depressing read that may not have ended quite the way you would have liked.

This next book, I Never Fancied Him Anyway, was a random selection from a Barnes & Noble trip. I was attracted to the witty title and then intrigued by the blurb on the back, and decided "what the hey." I am so glad I took a chance, because it was almost impossible to put this one down. The story is kinda odd. It's about a late twenty-something woman living in Dublin and working for a magazine answering "Dear Abby" type letters. Oh, yeah, and she's psychic. She can predict the future for everyone but herself. Her love life sucks, but her friends are awesome. And suddenly, the man of her dreams enters her life. Rather, her best friend's life. And hilarity ensues. I read this one after the emotional ride that was Seabiscuit.

OK, I am not a Twilight fan. Do I need to go into why? I think you all know me well enough that you've heard my rants into why the sparkly vampire series is probably the worst waste of paper in the history of ever. Want to read a series with some real vampires? That actually have fangs and are charming and *gasp* have sex? Want to not roll your eyes every five seconds at the awfully weak female lead? Then please read the Sookie Stackhouse novels. Another awesome psychic that hangs with vampires, werewolves, fairies, and pretty much every supernatural creature you can think of. Deadlocked is the 12th book in the series, and there is one more after this. *tear* Sookie has a great sense of humor and a strong, independant will. Lots of drama thats better than any trash tv sitcom. Oh, and don't forget to watch the series on HBO. The plots are somewhat different between the books and the tv series, but there's lots of eyecandy and great entertainment. Watch it after the news.

Hope these get you off to a great start. I'm currently back onto the list with John Cheever's Falconer. I'll let you know how that turns out. Until then, great reading!

So then I read Richard Brautigan and felt so much better.

     I'm in love with the work of Richard Brautigan. For those of you who dont know, Richard Brautigan is a writer of poetry, short stories, and novels the most well known of which is Trout Fishing in America. His work is full of dark humor, inventive metaphors, and just plain crack-ups. He lived a tragic existance growing up in the Pacific Northwest in the 40s and 50s, moving around with his mother and her abusive relationships, living on welfare, and going days without eating. When he broke a window in a police station in 1955 in order to have a bed and a meal, he was sent to a state hospital and diagnosed with depression and paranoid schizophrenia. All the while he wrote his quirky poetry and stories based on his experiences. He was finally published for the first time in 1958 after being rejected continuously because his work didn't "fit in." He soon became involved in the San Fransisco counter-culture scene, participating in poetry performances and other events. When Trout Fishing in America was published in 1967, Brautigan became internationally famous. Even though he hated hippies, he was credited as being the most representative of the counter-cultural youth movement of the late 1960s. He published at least four books of poetry, a collection of short stories, and five novels since then. 

     Though his professional life was taking off like a rocket, his personal life suffered dramatically. He married twice, both ending in divorce as a result of his alcoholism and abuse. He had one daughter.

     In 1984, Brautigan was living in California when he was found dead by a private investigator. It was speculated that he had been dead for at least a month, having shot himself in the head. He left a suicide note that read simply, "Messy, isn't it?"
     Brautigan left a legacy of works that are still as influencial today as they were in the 60s and 70s. His humor and insights have transcended proprietal boundaries and leave a lasting impression.

     I adore him.

     I have read several of his works and there is no other author that has provoked more thought than Richard Brautigan. Even a few short lines are enough to put a smile on my face or leave me pondering. One of my favorite short stories is only two lines about a woman who shot the man she lived with and I laughed my ass off. My favorite poem is only 4 or 5 lines (and its about a penis) but dammit its beautiful. His off the wall metaphors seem utterly random, but his randomness makes crazy sense. His world is where I go to disappear from reality. You pretty much have to in order to understand him. He is heartbreaking and hilarious all in the same breath. And he would call me an ass for being to adoringly fluffy and mooning over his writing. And then later, he'll write a satrical story involving me and my three-legged blind dog that drives a stick shift.

     He's so brilliant.

     Right now, I'm reading The Abortion, which so far centers on a librarian who works and lives in a very special library full of unpublished books that are never checked out or read by anyone else but him. From 6 year old boys to 80 year old grandmas, they bring in their precious works at all hours of the day or night and he catalogues each one. How awesome is that? Knowing Brautigan, it will probably go in a whole new crazy direction before the next chapter is over. Alien cowboys could be involved.

     He's creative, he's fun, he's unexpected. I've been reading him since one of my former bosses gave me a collective works book in 2001 and I was instantly hooked. Since then, I have been passing on the good word. Read Brautigan.

     And don't forget the mayonaise.

Geek romance at its best

I could hardly put down the last top 100 (actually more like 150) book I just read. Possession by A.S. Byatt was almost like porn for word geeks. Its the story of two literary scholars, Roland and Maud, who study the poetic works of Randolph Henry Ash and Christabel LaMotte, respectively, as they try to discover the mysterious connection between the two authors. It begins when Roland discovers a draft of a letter in one of Ash's personal books written to an unknown woman, who is evidently not his wife. Unlike much of his other letters, this one is very personal and almost passionate, so unlike Ash who is considered a dry scientific scholar through and through. Using clues in the letter, Roland begins to suspect it was written for Christabel LaMotte, a poet very popular with feminists and a dedicated lesbian. Did Ash send the letter? Did she reply? His questions lead him to Maud, an authority on LaMotte, and the two begin a quest to discover the connection between the two that wil change traditional scholarship completely. I don't want to go too much into the search because each clue is so integral to the plot, and I so much want everyone to go out and discover them personally.
Its part detective mystery, part steamy romance, and total geekery at its best. Full of traditional poetry and amazing word use, this is easily one of my top favorites. The character development was top notch, especially the relationship between Maud and Roland, which was in no way formulaic boy meets girl and they get wrapped up in the romance and immediately fall in love (or into bed). The interactions between them are honest and real. And of course I love the historical background story. It is important to note that these poets are entirely fictional, which makes it pretty impressive that the author wrote pages of epic poety in their styles throughout the book, Ash being very male and LaMotte strong female. Byatt tells their histories in so convincing a fashion, I had to look them up to see if they actually existed. Very moving page turner. Really, don't bother with the movie; it's a pale imitation. It's nearly impossible to reach the depth of this story in two hours, although I love Jennifer Ehle and Jeremy Northam as the star-crossed poets.
A thick read, over 500 pages, but well worth it. There were some extra characters that dragged the story down for me, and the old style poetry can get a little thick, but very deserving of the honor of top book of all time. Especially for word geeks.

Just to clarify...

There has been some confusion about what the whole "tower of creative awesomness" is about. Here's a photo story to clarify:

This is a tower of creative awesomeness.

Where I will write

And

While wearing

In the company of a

The shelves will be filled with books, there will be a place for all my supplies, an old typewriter, and my art desk.

It. Will. Be. Mine.

Just for future reference. Hope this clears everything up. And don't laugh, it could happen. One day...

Feeling a malenky bit bezoomny in me gulliver, brothers.

Robbery, severe beatings, general havoc, theft, more beatings, and a viscous rape. All in the first thirty pages of A Clockwork Orange by Anthony Burgess. All committed by fifteen year old Alex and his droogs. And that's just the beginning. Oh, man where do I even start...
First, its important to realize that this boy Alex is living in a frightening alternate universe where there are basically no laws that govern the night. Its a good idea to stay indoors because boys like Alex are on the prowl, looking for mischief and aching to draw blood. There are not many police about at night, and really parents aren't governing their kids as they should. Alex is a known criminal. He loves the thrill of violence, especially when the blood begins to flow, tearing up the night with his cronies and going home to his parents' house like nothing happened. His passion for violence is matched only for his passion for classical music, especially triumphantly powerful composers like Mozart, Bach, and Beethoven. The music conjures up images of chaos and destruction for Alex, almost as satisfying as the acts themselves. So far, he has escaped harsh punishments, but one night his luck runs out and he's taken to prison for murder.
Ok, I never saw the movie, but I heard it was pretty disturbing. The story is difficult to follow at first because Alex speaks the nadsat language of his generation, but it doesn't take long to catch on. And its scary to think about children, yes he's fifteen in my mind that is a child, so devoid of empathy. I guess its not so far-fetched considering the horrible things kids see and hear now. They are constantly being desensitized by movies, music, and video games...but that's another argument. It's more for Alex. He derives pleasure from the violence, and he doesn't want to change no matter how hard they try. While he is in prison, he learns how to work the guards, pretending to study the Bible and ask for help in changing so he can re-enter society as a clean fellow. He knows there's some research going on to "cure" criminals and he's pretty sure he can fake it enough to get out and get back to business. Of course, he's a prime candidate for re-education. And he's all for it. All he has to do is watch some movies...
What is the meaning of freedom? Burgess explores this question as Alex undergoes aversion therapy to "'cure" his violent nature. Take away a man's freedom of choice, is he still a man? Is it really better to force behavior change rather than allowing a person to be who they are, even if it's violent? Are we doomed to become mindless automatons, living by routine, no more unique than a piece of fruit? Very thought provoking and moving. Honestly, I felt sorry for Alex. Was he a product of his generation, or truly evil? He's used and abused, and in the end...maybe he grows up a little.
What I found interesting beyond the scope of the book was the forward by Burgess. A Clockwork Orange was not his favorite book. Far from it; he almost wishes it would die. Other works he found personally more satisfying as a writer are forgotten. He theorizes, and I fear, that many artists feel the same about their early works. What one may write as an amateur is celebrated as the creator moves on to mature and meanwhile everyone is still talking about the "breakthrough" or "debut." How can the artist recover from that? I always like hearing the story from the author/artist's perspective; their take on the work we talk so much about. I wonder what Beethoven would think about Fur Elise being a ringtone and how Shakespeare would like our studying Hamlet and Romeo & Juliet in high school as opposed to his less critically acclaimed works.
For myself, I guess I'll just have to save the best for last. Keep 'em guessing, keep 'em talking.

I highly recommend his version as it has a previously unpublished chapter (in America). Such a tragedy considering the last chapter seems incredibly important to the development of Alex's character. Another fear of mine as a writer...if I go the official publisher route one day, I will fight tooth and nail to keep my words in their entirety!

I need something fluffy now...